British Vogue published an opinion article titled “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” diving into how women present their relationships, particularly heterosexual ones, and how societal views have shifted.
On Oct. 25, the author, Chanté Joseph, argued that around 25 years ago, being in a relationship was seen as trendy and cool; if you didn’t have a boyfriend, you were considered “culturally loser-ish.”
Now, in an era where social media dominates, many people are opting to conceal their relationships or only share select aspects of them. Joseph questions whether having a boyfriend is something to be embarrassed about in today’s society.
Some students say this mindset stems partly from trust issues and public embarrassment caused by men being unfaithful, often exposed on social media or through apps like “Tea,” which went viral over the summer for branding itself as a women-only “dating safety” app where users could mark red flags and share unproven gossip.
At Howard University, students have their own take on the topic. Many acknowledge that they’re still young and figuring out life, which shapes how they approach relationships.
Freedom McClain, a sophomore honors communications major from Chicago, said Howard’s gender ratio plays a role in why some students hesitate to post their boyfriends.
“We’re a girl-dominated school,” McClain said. “So if I post somebody and then I see somebody else post them, now I’m really embarrassed — so yeah, it is embarrassing.”
Still, McClain said people should do what they want on their own social media and that it shouldn’t be shocking when someone “hard launches” a relationship at Howard.
“I’m not going to be on Instagram like, ‘Oh my God, homegirl just posted this boy I don’t know,’” she said. “Because we’re not really celebrities.”
Zion Jeff, a freshman nursing major from St. Louis, Missouri, says she sees numerous relationships on social media but believes standards have declined in recent years.
“Just in the way that men carry themselves, and chivalry is definitely not as relevant as it used to be,” Jeff said.
She added that while she’s known boys to be with multiple people at a time at Howard, especially among the freshman class, she doesn’t think it’s embarrassing to make a relationship official.
When it comes to posting about a boyfriend, Jeff said people should do what feels right for them. However, she wouldn’t post pictures of her significant other until marriage.
“If you don’t wait till marriage, I feel you have a higher chance of getting embarrassed,” she said. “If he does something stupid or embarrassing — like everybody already knows I’m with him — but now another girl’s posting him too? No.”
Kalyani Yancey, a senior psychology major from Atlanta, agrees with the idea of a “hard launch” after marriage because things don’t always work out.
“You don’t gotta say every single step that you’re taking with somebody, as if it’s everybody’s business,” Yancey said.
She added that while having a boyfriend isn’t embarrassing, his actions, such as cheating, lying or being too “friendly,” can lead to embarrassment.
Yancey’s boyfriend, Matthew McKoy, a senior biology major from the Bronx, New York, said the issue stems from people romanticizing relationships without putting real thought or intention into them.
“The embarrassment comes from what a relationship is actually supposed to be, where two people are very intentional with one another,” McKoy said.
He added that being in college means going through constant change, so for him, relationships should move step by step instead of rushing into something you’re not ready for.
While Howard students may be in different stages of life, most agree on one thing: relationships should be about doing what feels right for an individual and moving at a necessary pace.
Copy edited by Damenica Ellis
